Maize and Saba con Hielo on a lazy and moody afternoon. #eatwithrad 🌽🍨🍌 (at Ristorante Delle Mitre, Intramuros)
Are you happy?
This question seems like a no brainer for some. Is it a yes? Or a no? Simple.
This pretends to be an easy one. But how can you say that you truly are?
I hope I can answer this with a ‘Yes’. I can answer it with full confidence that I truly am. No bullshit, no buts, no yet. Just ‘Yes’. A fucking YES! A Bold and Capitalized YES.
But that’s not the case…
At least for me,
Yes I am happy when I’m with you but every single time you give attention to this person it hurts me. When I know you messages him it pinches me inside. When I know you’re with him. It stabs me. Stabs me right through. I can feel my palm getting numb. My hands cold. My fingers shaking. If my feelings when you’re with him instead of me could kill. I’ll be flat-lining and would eventually die.
Then I would realize, I am alone again. The truth is you are not mine. Every single time I see that ring it crushes me. It just represents you’re not ready to let go. Which I accepted. Every time you call me your terms of endearment with him it breaks my heart. I would realize you’re still thinking about him. And yes, you are not ready yet.
Then that’s when I would accept defeat.
I always wanted to ask you to choose. But that’s gonna be selfish of me.
I always wanted to be with you but I feel weak. I can’t tell you what to do.
I have to constantly remind myself that I can’t.
There’s a person whispering that word to me every time.
Take a risk.
Then I would understand why.
What I’m feeling is true. It’s unconditional. It’s real. A feeling I’ve never felt to anyone before.
Yes there is pain.
But the most important thing that I’m holding on to is my true and genuine love for you.
I’m holding it as tight as I can and don’t want to let go.
And from there I can find happiness.
You can call me a fool but I don’t give a shit.
Yes, I may not be happy completely. But what I know is I love you and that’s enough for me.
But please don’t let me wait forever. I will not get tired of loving you. You know that. But I’m always hurting. Always waiting. And I don’t think I can survive feeling that way for too long…
Oops! Almost forgot to take a picture of this moist and savory goodness. Shanghai Fried Siopao! #eatwithrad #food 😋👌👌 (at Ongpin St. Binondo Manila)
American breakfast in an Italian restaurant. #eatwithrad 🍳🍴👌 (at Ristorante delle Mitre, Intramuros Manila)
I woke up one morning and realized something was different.
It’s not the time I usually wake up, not the fresh sheets and pillows on the bed nor my fucked up body clock.
For the first time in a long time, the moment I opened my eyes I only thought of one thing.
I had woken up wanting to embrace you, subconsciously wanting to put my hands on top of yours, wanting to run my fingers across your face.
Suddenly I realized. I have already fallen in love with you. I have fallen so hard and fast I can no longer control it and secretly wished it’s a good thing than bad.
You’re the only person who makes me smile everyday. The person who will sincerely listen and would even force me to tell stories (even if I couldn’t because of the fear that you might get bored), you made me feel special, you may not know it but you make me complete.
I love that you love me for who I am. You love it when I’m smelly and sweaty, you love me when I’m clumsy, when I’m stubborn, when I act like a child, my mannerisms, you love me for who I really am. My flaws, my potty-mouth, my irrational jealousy and all the things I prefer not to show. You love them and you never judged me.
I told myself I already found the one.
The one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The one I want to explore the world with.
The one I want to wake up with every morning and sleep with every night.
I only have one wish.
And It’s the hope that you also feel the same way.
I love you so much Pagibig ko!